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12 March, 2000@12:00 am

Brooklyn, NY – As fans eagerly approach the release date of Foxy Brown’s upcoming release “Chyna Doll”, the status of her uniform remains the same, as she is still not naked.

While the amount of press she is getting for the upcoming release is astronomical, the fact remains unchanged. Fans were, once again, disappointed last month, as she appeared on the cover of the December issue of Vibe, as there weren’t any naked pictures of her in the issue. A similar tragedy took place in the December issue of “The Source”. An ad from the upcoming album debuted in that issue, and while during the photo shoot for the ad, she posed completely nude, there was still no sign of a nipple on the finished product.

As the latest issues of The Source and XXL his newsstands this week, fans and perverts alike we’re once again deeply saddened by the absence of any naked pictures. Immediately after the magazines hit the stands, a team of scientists was called to examine them, only to be struck with this cataclysmic, earth-shattering new revelation. The United States Government flew in Russian expert, Dr. Karol Naydenov, who conducted extensive tests and research on the issues, but the crisis remained in tact.

“We’ve spent many long hours researching these piles of pictorials, and my associates and I are completely baffled. We cannot figure out why she is still not naked,” he said. “From a historical standpoint, following in the footsteps of others before her, it would seem likely that by now she would indeed be stark-raving nekkid,” he continued. “I feel like a disappointment to your country, as well as to Mother Russia. If there were only some way to avoid this catastrophe, we’d all be better off.”

As a last resort, her ex-fiancee Kurupt was called in for questioning, but only had this to say, “Sheeeeeeit. I ain’t never seen her ass naked either, and I’m a raw dog, hardcore, Dogg Pound Gangsta, D.P.G.”

When the news hit the streets earlier today, the nation mourned:

“All I want….is….a peek. That’s all I ask. Just a quick look…. at her supple areolas….her comely love box.” said area trenchcoat, Lenny Ratso.

“They keep tryin’ to feed me this Gangsta Boo bullsh*t. F*ck that! What I wanna see a bow-legged, ghetto-two shoes lookin’ bitch for? Why can’t we see Fox Boogie? She must got a third nipple, or some sh*t,” proclaimed 24 year-old Stephon Diggs.

Perhaps the saddest moment today took place at the Ronald McDonald House. For 5 year-old cancer patient, Joey Watkins, it was the moment of truth. “The poor thing. It was his last dying wish. When he heard the news…. His heart…. It stopped beating,” said a representative for The Ronald McDonald House. “We tried, but the little guy just didn’t want to pull through. Christmas won’t be the same without him.” For Joey, his time was up, no thanks to Foxy and her “clothes”.

Although experts say there still is hope, as the album’s release date is quickly approaching. Only then may we see Ms. Brown in the buff, but until then, we can only hope, and pray.

  Mixtape D.L.
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