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In an effort to increase music sales, members of the country’s largest record labels have gotten together to plan a terrorist attack on U.S. soil and follow it up with an all-star benefit track called “Save The Music And America, America” it was revealed Friday.

“With sales in the toilet, we thought to ourselves that we have to think of new, creative ways to get people to buy music again,” said Lance Whitman, chairperson of the Bureaucratic Alliance of Lawfully Litigating Songwriters, or B.A.L.L.S., for short.

“I came up with the idea of toppling the Capitol Records building during rush hour on a busy weekend,” said Whitman, “It would spill over on to the California freeway, thousands would die. Then we could make a song about it to benefit the victims and sell millions!”

Although initially many of the artists were apprehensive about the plan, it seems like more than enough are on board to record the song, and help plant the explosives.

“Oh, we’ve got a huge all-star line-up on this one. 47 different singers and rappers. So far we’ve got Pebbles, Men Without Hats, Ying Yang Twinz, DMX, Yanni…. It’s going to be huge,” said Whitman. “Oh yeah, and Justin Bieber. Gotta have The Bieber.”

“Our next move is to fake the death of Whitney Houston,” he added. “Either that or assassinate her, one-a-the-two.”

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0 Responses to "Record Labels Planning Terrorist Attack On U.S. Soil, All-Star Benefit To Follow"
  • Tim says:

    God, I missed this website.

  • jimmyrupe says:

    Funny shit. I’m glad you brought this column back, and the site too.

  • Jazzy t says:

    It’s about fricken time. I have been waiting many years for this to be back up.
    I miss the old hiphopsite and the store back in Vegas. Good to see you once
    again HHS :)

  • JZA says:

    I am glad that this industry is ddiying, cuz too many evils it emcompass when the forefront of the music business it not managed by the artists but by the distributors. Is time for the distributor to die and the artist to rise.

    Kills the music, build the art.

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