10 January, 2012@7:40 pm
We decided to skip the “Biggest Songs Of The Year” or “Best Club Bangers” list, for a few reasons. One, we can’t tell good from bad when we are drunk in the club, two, this shit has been covered ad nauseum, and three, it makes us feel like we’re at work. We’re tired enough of playing “Look At Me Now”, so forget asking us to blurb about it. Instead, we’re going to cover the ten worst songs of the year. We’d be just fine if we never heard any of these ever again….
10. Flo-Rida – “Good Feeling” – The trend of ripping off big house songs for top 40 rap tracks was perfected by Flo-Rida and Pitbull a few years ago, and they almost had the timing right with songs like “Krazy” and “Hotel Room”. But with “Good Feeling”, Flo-Rida had no problem going right after Avicii’s massive Etta James sample-driven “Levels”, before it had a chance to blow up itself. And not only that, Avicii’s perfectly mixed piano stabs were traded for some white-washed acoustic gee-tar licks. So here’s a paradox for you: Is a Bingo Players remix of “Good Feeling” that doesn’t feature Flo-Rida actually a remix of “Levels”?
9. Nicki Minaj – “Roman In Moscow” – What happened here? Sure, the original Pink Friday didn’t exactly live up to expectations, but surely we thought Nicki would come correct with her second LP. This started out okay, but then goes off into left field and loses us completely, as Nicki channels her inner O.D.B. or something, triple dog daring and all. Leave this off your album, darlin’.
8. Bruno Mars – “The Lazy Song” – So, shame on us for even posting the above video, as it has clocked over 258 million views already. So please, don’t click on it, unless you want to hear Bruno rhyme “dougie” with “Snuggie”. Disposable pop trash at it’s worst.
7. Lil Wayne – “How To Love” - How did Lil Wayne follow-up “6 Foot 7 Foot”? With this auto-tuned, adult contemporary love song. Picking this song as a single is like the equivalent to putting a sticker on Tha Carter IV album cover that says “This Album Is Highly Likely To Suck”. And guess what? It does. But what do you expect from a guy who’s not allowed to smoke or drink?
6. Kirko Bangz – “What Yo Name Iz” – Aside from the fact that this cat doesn’t know how to correctly form a sentence, Mr. Charming here has a handful of auto-tuned pick-up lines to impress the ladies, such as “I swear to god I tell that pussy to get over here / like I am Scorpion, no Mortal Kombat” and “Like Sean Michaels, swear to god I hope the little woman got Gieco”. Aside from all the oath-taking he does late night in the club, this dude’s, uh, “name is” a play on “Kurt Cobain”. Get it? “Kirko Bangz”. You know, because of how similar they are to one another.
5. Plies – “Just The Tip” – We didn’t think Plies could come up with a song more offensively ignorant that “Becky”. Shows what we know. This date rape anthem is exactly what the title suggests it is.
4. 50 Cent – “I’m On It” – 50 seemed to please the streets with his Big 10 mixtape late last year, but he hasn’t been able to create a compelling club jam, as each attempt is worse than the one before it. Not sure if he’s trying to channel his inner-Mike D with that hook, but either way it’s terrible. If this is any indication, Interscope’s been doing him a favor by keeping his album in the vault….
3. Will.I.Am and Company – “The Megaupload Megasong” – This isn’t a song. It’s a megasong. While we appreciate the movement behind “The Megaupload Megasong”, the execution was terrible. Will.I.Am leads with a sort of paired down, Bob Marley-esque acoustic guitar style, but instead of singing about love lost or freedom, he’s singing about a file-sharing site. “Megaaaaaaaaa / Uploooooooooooad,” he cries. Mix in some audio samples of celebrities in hallways saying “M-M-M-egaupload” and you have one of the strangest tracks of the year.
2. Gucci Mane – “Burr” – BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. This is what happens when we allow semi-retarded individuals to have record deals.
1. Future – “Tony Montana” – Where did Future come up with such an original song idea? You know, this song is so innovative that he could probably get with Brian DePalma or somebody and make a MOVIE of it! Oh, wait….
Leave a Reply
- Raekwon Sets A Release Date For “F.I.L.A.” Album
- BUSH: A Snoop Odyssey Produced By Pharrell Williams [Preview]
- Drake – “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late” Surprise Album on iTunes Now
- Action Bronson “Mr. Wonderful” Cover Art and Tracklist
- Juicy J “Blue Dream & Lean 2″ Mixtape Cover Art & Release Date Revealed
- MF Grimm “MF Love Songs” Cover Art + Tracklist
- Lord Hakim – “Brass Knucklez” (feat. Vast Aire & Phizz Ed)
- IAMSU! – “Hella Good” (feat. Tyga)
- DJ Kay Slay – “I Declare War” (feat. Styles P, Sheek Louch, Vado, Raekwon, & Rell)
- Maverick Sabre – “We Don’t Wanna Be” (feat. Joey Bada$$)
- Cannibal Ox – “Blade: Art of Ox” (feat. Artifacts & U-God; prod. Black Milk)
- Asher Roth – “Blow Your Head” (prod. Nottz)