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Did you know that supreme evil corporation, Wal-Mart, indirectly has control over the rap industry? Until iTunes surpassed it 2008, Wal-Mart was the #1 music retailer in the United States, despite the fact that they only offer “clean/radio edit” versions of albums, something that we’ve all found out the hard way, at least once. That being said, Wal-Mart has been known to ask artists to remove “objectionable” songs from their albums completely, or even alter the cover art, as in the case of Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy LP. Even worse, some rappers have been forced to change their names, as Wal-Mart will refuse to carry anything that their shoppers of baby diapers and bullets might find offensive. Here is a list of 11 rap monikers that probably don’t “sit well” on Wal-Mart shelves.

11. Shorty Shit Stain - Of course one-time ODB affiliate Shorty Shit Stain would make this list. It’s not as if we ever expected each of the members of the Brooklyn Zu to venture off with successful major label solo albums, but if they did, what would he call himself to appease the suits at Wal-Mart? They answer is simple, really. We give you… Shorty Skidmarks!

10. Killer Mike – Killer Mike had a brief stint of using the alias of “Mike Bigga”, which didn’t stick with the fans. We may never know if this move was to insure that he wouldn’t be banned by Wal-Mart, but it never caught on. That might be because we bloggers were always re-labeling his tracks “Killer Mike”, so people would still click on it. Of course, it’s okay for Wal-Mart to carry the “Unrated Director’s Cut” of chicken-fellatio murder porn film, Killer Joe. Because that’s not offensive.

9. Smif-N-Wessun – Rap history tells us that the reason Tek and Steele called themselves “Da Cocoa Brovaz” in the late 90′s, for one album, was because gun-manufacturer, Smith and Wesson threatened to sue them. This might very well be true, but relabeling themselves as such might have also had to do with placement on the store shelves of the industry’s top music retailer, who also happens to carry a wide selection of firearms from Smith & Wesson. What we learned: gunning people down is okay, just don’t do it on wax.

8. Peedi Crakk – Wisely, Peedi Crakk removed the freebased half of his name by the time he appeared on The Roots’ How I Got Over LP, doubling it up as “Peedi Peedi”.

7. Kokane – Want to hear a double-standard? The only way something called “Cocaine” can be sold at Wal-Mart is if it’s spelled correctly and it’s referring to the song by Eric Clapton. That’s a helluva rub…

6. Joey Bada$$ – Somewhere in America, there are people that still think “ass” is a bad word. However these people also probably refer to the donkeys on their farm as such. The two dollar signs in the spelling of “ass” cover it up slightly, but the title of his forthcoming album, B4Da$$ (pronounced “Before Da Money”), may be the most clever use of censorship we’ve ever seen.

5. Ghostface Killah – Get your copy of The Pretty Tony album, and you’ll notice that “Killah” has been omitted from Ghost’s name entirely. This was a temporary decision by Def Jam in order to appease entities like Clear Channel and Wal-Mart, the latter whom has seceded and broke down, eventually carrying his full catalog. A small victory for the heads. Where my Killah tape at, god?

4. Gunplay – Gunplay’s been signed to Rick Ross’ MMG for a while now, but still no album yet. You can bet they are having a tough time convincing the suits to get behind somebody with “Gun” in his name. We’re guessing he’ll rebrand himself under his Don Logan alias by the time his album drops. Sounds cooler anyway….

3. Tity Boy – All that time Tity Boy was signed with Ludacris, they couldn’t break through to the mainstream. Then, he denounced his love for titties, changed his name to 2 Chaiiiiinz and took the world by storm. T.R.U. story.

2. Junglepussy – Rising new talent out of Brooklyn that is making some noise. Someone want to break it to her..?

1. Chinx Drugz – A racial slur and a drug reference in your rap name? Looks like it might be an uphill battle for Mr. Drugz, who is also a member of the Coke Boys, a group that seems to really have a thing for soda. Noted, he has taken steps to rectify this by just shortening his name to “Chinx”, but there is still at least one group of people that might have a problem with this.

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8 Responses to "11 Rap Names That Probably Don’t “Sit Well” With Wal-Mart Execs"
  • georgel says:

    Um it would be Efil4zaggin not Evil4zaggin.. life is spelled life not live

  • Hodges says:

    How is Shorty Shit Stain not number 1? Try selling Ol Dirty Bastard’s Nigga Please featuring Shorty Shit Stain.

  • Tom says:

    Don’t forget O.D.B. and his name changes.

    “Before releasing A Son Unique, ODB changed his stage name from Ol’ Dirty Bastard to Dirt McGirt.”

    America has let political correctness run wild.

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