OHIO – In an attempt to keep inner-city youth off the streets and out of trouble, rapper DMX introduced the option of “Ryding”, as a new choice to take, when offered the tempting and dangerous paths of “Skating” or “Dying”. Since the 1980′s, “skating” has been the number one catalyst in turning innocent young teens into hardcore criminals and drug lords. Other teenagers, who couldn’t accept the choice of skating, simply chose death, leaving 32% of adolescents dead by the age of 21. DMX announced at Ohio City High School on Wednesday, that he hoped to change these alarming mortality rates by introducing the new option of “Ryding”.

“To me, Skating is no longer an option, now it’s just Ryde or Die”, said the rapper. “So young people, ask yourself, next time you are faced with this choice, are you going to Ryde – or are you going to die? Me, I chose to Ryde. I choose life.”

When asked by the U.S. Board Of Education what exactly “Ryding” consisted of, DMX replied, “Oh, that’s like us just riding and falling off motorcycles, and, like, doing occasion drive-bys and shit. You know?” Questions were raised as to whether or not “Ryding” was any safer than “Skating” or “Dying”, when DMX answered by barking and growling like a dog.