I Ain't Havin' That
Waka Flocka Seagulls.
Pardon DJ Pizzo’s lackluster photoshop skills. That is all.
I Ain't Havin' That
Pitchfork Music Festival Ends In Bloodshed, 23 Killed
Concert goers feared for their lives this past weekend, when the Pitchfork Music Festival erupted into violent, bloody massacre involving many of the headlining acts, leaving 23 people dead.
Tensions rose during Broken Social Scene’s set, when founder Kevin Drew made indirect comments on stage about LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphey, suggesting that a band should be made up of four or more members. “We don’t call ourselves a supergroup, even though we have multiple members. There’s some so-called ‘bands’ playing on this stage that are made up of one member,” he said to the audience. “One member. Everyone knows a band should have four or more members. Pssh.”
Murphey, who was in the audience, yelled back inaudibly at Drew, who without hesitating, leaped into the crowd, hurling fists in every direction. Several audience members joined in the scuffle, leaving one shoe-gazer trampled to death. Things got even more out of control when Modest Mouse and Wolf Parade members brandished automatic weapons – including sub-machine guns – spraying bullets with reckless abandon, killing another twenty-one people.
“Hipsters,” said Raekwon, who stood on the outskirts of venue alongside Big Boi, away from the melee. “Always know how to fuck up a good time.”
I Ain't Havin' That
Aftermath Records To Release “We Invented The Shelved Album” Compilation (*sticky*)
To drum up some buzz for the eventual release of “Detox”, Aftermath Records will soon release a new compilation called “We Invented The Shelved Album”. The album will include never-heard-before tracks from the vaults of Dr. Dre, including music from the “Detox” recording sessions. The tracklist for the album is as follows [cont.]
I Ain't Havin' That
Record Labels Planning Terrorist Attack On U.S. Soil, All-Star Benefit To Follow
In an effort to increase music sales, members of the country’s largest record labels have gotten together to plan a terrorist attack on U.S. soil and follow it up with an all-star benefit track called “Save The Music And America, America” it was revealed Friday.
“With sales in the toilet, we thought to ourselves that we have to think of new, creative ways to get people to buy music again,” said Lance Whitman, chairperson of the Bureaucratic Alliance of Lawfully Litigating Songwriters, or B.A.L.L.S., for short.
“I came up with the idea of toppling the Capitol Records building during rush hour on a busy weekend,” said Whitman, “It would spill over on to the California freeway, thousands would die. Then we could make a song about it to benefit the victims and sell millions!”
Although initially many of the artists were apprehensive about the plan, it seems like more than enough are on board to record the song, and help plant the explosives.
“Oh, we’ve got a huge all-star line-up on this one. 47 different singers and rappers. So far we’ve got Pebbles, Men Without Hats, Ying Yang Twinz, DMX, Yanni…. It’s going to be huge,” said Whitman. “Oh yeah, and Justin Bieber. Gotta have The Bieber.”
“Our next move is to fake the death of Whitney Houston,” he added. “Either that or assassinate her, one-a-the-two.”
I Ain't Havin' That
XXL Magazine Press Conference To Feature Benzino Recording That Proves He’s Wack.
NEW YORK, NY – XXL press agents announced this week that they have uncovered “strong and very damaging evidence” that international rap sensation, Benzino, is actually wack, and not the dope rapper he claims to be.
I Ain't Havin' That
Pet Rock and C.L. Smooth To Reunite
MOUNT VERNON – It was reported on Monday that C.L. Smooth, one-half of legendary duo Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, will reunite with his Pet Rock this week. According to sources, C.L. was given the Pet Rock as a gag gift in the mid 1970’s, but hadn’t seen it since the late 1980’s when he mov
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Dr. Dre To Finish Rakim’s Album Right After This Game Of Tetris
LOS ANGELES, CA – Dr. Dre told members of the press this past Monday that he would put the finishing touches on Rakim’s long-awaited Aftermath debut, Oh My God, right after he finishes this game of Tetris. However, reports on the contrary say otherwise. In a recent interview this afternoon, Rakim told Hot97 that Dr. Dre has been saying that for a while, and won’t put his Gameboy down. “Yeah, he has been really into Tetris lately. I cannot break him of it either. I’ve tried everything… girls, weed… I even tried to even to get him to switch to Dr. Mario or Columns, and he still won’t let up. I don’t think my album is ever coming out,” said Rakim.
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Sistah Souljah’s Family Tired of Being Woken Up Each Morning with “We Are At War”
LONG ISLAND, NY – Family members of former Public Enemy spokeswoman Sistah Souljah came forth on Saturday admitting they are “sick and tired” of being woken up each day by Sistah Souljah’s patented “We are at war” mantra….
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The Source Magazine Holds Press Conference to Declare “State Of Emergency” On Itself
BOSTON, MA – Source Magazine founder David Mays and visionary Ray Benzino held a press conference on Saturday, declaring an orange level “state of emergency” on itself. According to Mays, the upcoming May issue will feature another blank cover with the words “The Source Is in a State of Emergency: Please Buy Two Copies of This Issue”.
I Ain't Havin' That
Current State Of Current State Of Hip-Hop Songs Shitty
TUESDAY – It was decided by music critics, fans, artists, and various industry folk alike, that the current state of songs about the “current state of hip-hop” is pretty shitty.
“Yeah I wasn’t feeling that “We Are Hip-Hop” shit by KRS-One. Kris was good, but the beat and the hook wer
I Ain't Havin' That
Tiger Beat Magazine Calls B2K Thieves Of White Teeny-Bopper Culture
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – In a move that many are calling cowardly and shameless, Tiger Beat Magazine has lambasted black teen-pop quartet B2K, calling them “thieves of a culture primarily created by whites.”
I Ain't Havin' That
Foxy Brown & Lil’ Kim To Collaborate On Upcoming Jay-Z Blowjob
New York, NY – Fueding female rappers, Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim have put their long-standing differences aside to collaborate for the first time in over five years, on an upcoming blowjob for Jay-Z. The way it came about was apparently, one night, Jay-Z drunkenly admitted to wanting to recieve fellatio from both Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim at the same time, and immediately members of the Roc-A-Fella staff began organizing a proposal to make this happen. While the two females are both happy to be working together again, Jay-Z seems to be the most excited about the event. “I’m just happy that Foxy and Kim could see beyond their disagreements, and come together for one common cause,” said Jay.
I Ain't Havin' That
Roc-A-Fella Staff Gathers To Remember September 11th, 2001
New York City – It was a quiet and somber day on September 11th, 2002 at the Roc-A-Fella offices, as many of the workers thoughts were focused on the events that happened on this day, one year ago. While it was business as usual at the office, the staff solemnly reflected together at their….
I Ain't Havin' That
Demon From “Guess Who’s Back” Video Swears Revenge On Rakim
LIMBO – After being vanquished to the fiery depths of limbo by the god Rakim in the “Guess Who’s Back” video, the demon incarnate, Halphas Dux made a statement on Saturday swearing his revenge. The statement, which appeared as an astral projection with scary booing noises, was as follows…
I Ain't Havin' That
Rap Pages To Release Five New Offshoot Titles, Including Rap Pages: Beaver Hunt
With the success of the hip-hop nation’s top publication, Rap Pages, publisher, Larry Flynt, made famous by his pornographic “Hustler” magazine, has decided to release five new related titles.
