Pardon DJ Pizzo’s lackluster photoshop skills. That is all.

Concert goers feared for their lives this past weekend, when the Pitchfork Music Festival erupted into violent, bloody massacre involving many of the headlining acts, leaving 23 people dead. Tensions rose during Broken Social Scene’s set, when founder Kevin Drew made indirect comments on stage about LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphey, suggesting that a band should [cont.]

To drum up some buzz for the eventual release of Detox, Aftermath Records will soon release a new compilation called We Invented The Shelved Album. The album will include never-heard-before tracks from the vaults of Dr. Dre, including music from the Detox recording sessions. The tracklist for the album is as follows: 1. “Perfection (Intro)” [cont.]

In an effort to increase music sales, members of the country’s largest record labels have gotten together to plan a terrorist attack on U.S. soil and follow it up with an all-star benefit track called “Save The Music And America, America” it was revealed Friday. “With sales in the toilet, we thought to ourselves that [cont.]

NEW YORK, NY – XXL press agents announced this week that they have uncovered “strong and very damaging evidence” that international rap sensation, Benzino, is actually wack, and not the dope rapper he claims to be. The magazine is rumored to have uncovered a recent recording from Benzino, which not only proves that he is wack, but also [cont.]

MOUNT VERNON – It was reported on Monday that C.L. Smooth, one-half of legendary duo Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, will reunite with his Pet Rock this week. According to sources, C.L. was given the Pet Rock as a gag gift in the mid 1970′s, but hadn’t seen it since the late 1980′s when he [cont.]

LOS ANGELES, CA – Dr. Dre told members of the press this past Monday that he would put the finishing touches on Rakim’s long-awaited Aftermath debut, Oh My God, right after he finishes this game of Tetris. However, reports on the contrary say otherwise. In a recent interview this afternoon, Rakim told Hot97 that Dr. [cont.]

LONG ISLAND, NY – Family members of former Public Enemy spokeswoman Sistah Souljah came forth on Saturday admitting they are “sick and tired” of being woken up each day by Sistah Souljah’s patented “We are at war” mantra. “When we first got married, everything was okay, but when we’d get in fights, that’s when things [cont.]

Insiders Say Magazine at “Orange Level” Alert. BOSTON, MA – Source Magazine founder David Mays and visionary Ray Benzino held a press conference on Saturday, declaring an orange level “state of emergency” on itself. According to Mays, the upcoming May issue will feature another blank cover with the words “The Source Is in a State [cont.]

TUESDAY – It was decided by music critics, fans, artists, and various industry folk alike, that the current state of songs about the “current state of hip-hop” is pretty shitty. “Yeah I wasn’t feeling that “We Are Hip-Hop” shit by KRS-One. Kris was good, but the beat and the hook were bland. Nah man, not at all.” [cont.]

New York City – It was a quiet and somber day on September 11th, 2002 at the Roc-A-Fella offices, as many of the workers thoughts were focused on the events that happened on this day, one year ago. While it was business as usual at the office, the staff solemnly reflected together at their lunch [cont.]

LIMBO – After being vanquished to the fiery depths of limbo by the god Rakim in the “Guess Who’s Back” video, the demon incarnate, Halphas Dux made a statement on Saturday swearing his revenge. The statement, which appeared as an astral projection with scary booing noises, was as follows: “FOOLISH INFIDELS BEHOLD! You haven’t seen [cont.]

With the success of the hip-hop nation’s top publication, Rap Pages, publisher, Larry Flynt, made famous by his pornographic “Hustler” magazine, has decided to release five new related titles. Accelling past all other hip-hop magazines, with such original and groundbreaking content that Rap Pages is currently offering, it may seem almost impossible for them to [cont.]

Outspoken Emcee Stabbed A Record of 103 Times; Also Bitten Repeatedly By Pack Of Wild Dogs New York, NY – Rapper 50 Cent, who received major press and radio play from his single, “How To Rob” a humorous song about how he fantasized about robbing the industry’s top rap-stars, was stabbed 103 times last weekend, [cont.]

Rapper To Include 74 Honda Scooters and Solid Gold Bone In 10-Day Auction Brooklyn, NY – Rapper Special Ed announced earlier this week that he would be putting up several of his most valuable possessions up for auction on E-Bay, come early December. Accumulated throughout his career in rap music, Ed said that he felt [cont.]

New Orleans – Cash Money Millionaire and southern rapper, Juvenile, pioneer of the “bling bling” fashion trend, recently discovered what aims to be the next craze in hip-hop style – natural gold teeth. “I went to see my man to switch out my gold caps for some new ones, and when I took them off [cont.]

HEAVEN – With the recent release of Master P’s comeback album “Only God Can Judge Me”, P returned to the rap game after last year’s temporary retirement album, “The Last Don”.  Earlier this year, in fear of bad album reviews and negative press generated by his coming out of retirement so quickly, P had this [cont.]

New York, NY – The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame was turned upside down this past weekend, when it was attacked by two angry rapping men, dressed in black leather, both wearing pairs of white Adidas tennis shoes. According to the Museum’s head of security, Larry “Bud” Melman, the duo busted the door down, [cont.]

Trenton, NJ – So-Called “Hip-Hop fan”, Raymond Catz of Trenton, New Jersey, doesn’t even know who Orb The Living Vortex is. This was discovered Friday, when Catz was discussing who he thought the dopest emcee was, on an internet discussion board. Catz, who then voted for Redman, was then attacked by the entire population of [cont.]

Beverly Hills, CA – Superstar rap producer, Dr. Dre, has taken the next step in his lawsuit against Napster, by compiling a list of users who are illegally trading his music using the Napster software. It is reported that Dre is also using the software to compile a list of his favorite MP3′s from Korn. [cont.]