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by
1 January, 2000@12:00 am
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It’s no secret that LL Cool J has had an incredible career, not only producing a number of old school and new school classics, but crossing over into the worlds of television and film. It can be said, at least in the course of his rap career, that he has released some of the greatest songs of all time. “I’m Bad”, “Jack The Ripper”, “Boomin’ System” are among some of his hardcore classics, and even his pop-friendly joints like “Jigglin’ Baby”, “Around The Way Girl”, and “Doin’ It” get respect in serving their purpose ? pleasing the ladies that love Cool James.

Now 15 years deep into his career, Cool J decides it’s time to crown himself the Greatest Of All Time, and feels that the new album of the same name is a representation of that title. Unfortunately, this isn’t at all the case. After his ego took a bruising from Canibus two years ago, the secretly insecure LL now hides behind an over-inflated, yet unconvincing, superman attitude, and plenty of Def Jam  crafted posse cuts to help win back some street credibility.

Naturally, the album prepares you for the return of the hard-as-hell version of LL, with tracks like “Back Where I Belong”, where Mr. Smith makes his official return to the streets. This somewhat honest track not only addresses the fact that LL looks to Farmers Blvd. to regain some lost street credibility, but also delivers a blistering response to Canibus. The vibe continues on “LL Cool J”, which flips Biggie’s “10 Crack Commandments” sample, while Uncle L gives us some classic braggadocio.

Unfortunately, the dope shit only extends about two tracks. Other attempts at keeping our interest are fueled only by guest appearances, such as this album’s east and west coast versions of “4,3,2,1″ – “Fuggidabowdit” (feat. Method Man, Redman, & DMX ) and “U Can’t Fuck With Me” (feat. Snoop Dogg, Xzibit, and surprise, Jayo Felony). Only problem is that these “Scenarios” are poorly put together with boring production and unmemorable verses from everyone involved.

What’s left over is the bullshit. Cool J (or his cut & paste production team) had the nerve to jack the year-old “Vivrant Thing” beat for “Take It Off”, a poor excuse for a club track, not to mention another “Doin’ It” rehash entiled “Hello” (featuring Amil). Other smoothed-out R&B atrocities include “This Is Us” (feat. Carl Thomas), and “You And Me” (feat. Kelly Price), both nauseating enough to induce vomit.

On the real, this album is just as wack as previous LL achievements such as Phenomenon and Mr. Smith, yet even those have more redeeming qualities than G.O.A.T. What’s even more disappointing is that someone who deems themselves the “Greatest Of All Time”, thinks that he can surf on a history of past hits, meanwhile delivering us a horrible new album. Not even the endless array of Def Jam funded magazine covers and paid-off positive reviews can save Cool J from sinking in the pile of steamy shit that is this album. Perhaps he should have titled the album Garbage On A Tape.

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