8 May, 2000@12:00 am
Tacoma, WA – Local Washington resident, Brad Green, also known as DJ Skillator, was disappointed to find out that his performance on the turntables had not improved at all, after purchasing an entire DJ-related wardrobe, consisting of several t-shirts from Tribal, plus various hats and jackets from Extra Strength.
“I’ve been DJing for like two months now dude, but I’ve been wearing these shirts for like a year”, said Brad. “I just got my tables like last week and shit, so today I bought this new headband with a silhouette of a DJ on it. It’s fucking bad, man. It goes really well with my DJ shirt and DJ jacket.”
Apparently, the young DJ was getting ready for his first gig at Chris’s house, wearing several of his new DJ related accessories, including a T-shirt that said, “I Am A DJ”. Despite the fact that the shirt pointed out to everyone at the party that he was the sound provider for the night, the shirt somehow neglected to stop the needle from skipping when he tried to scratch. Reports also say that the shirt did not help him mix to records together, either.
“I don’t know, like, he was okay, I guess”, said party-goer, Christy Hodin, “But everytime he would try to change songs, it sounded more like… two trains crashing together, rather than a mix”.
It is also reported that the shirt did not help conceal the fact that he was a dork. There were no reports of any females approaching him after reading the “I Am A DJ” T-shirt, but Brad believes that he may have been coming on a bit too strong with that particular shirt.
“Yeah, that one was kind of intimidating, I think…“ and plus, I think the ladies might have not felt it necessary to come up to me and ask me if I was a DJ, because it said I was already, and they might feel stupid, you know?” concluded Brad. “But I think next week, if I wear this other shirt that says, ‘Fuck CD’s, Spin Vinyl’, girls might be a little more intrigued, and will probably be all over my dick. Yeah.”
Brad is reported to have also just bought a three-foot long car-window sticker that says “TECHNICS”, in hopes that the sticker will help him not only attract more attention from the opposite sex, but also help improve on his DJ skills.
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