Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have been able to catch at least a glimpse of MTV’s/P. Diddy’s smash success of a “reality show”, The Making of Da Band.  For the uninitiated, Da Band is a group of six-emcees with drastically different backgrounds forged together after various “talent” searches throughout the country.  And after two seasons of footage, which included walking across the Brooklyn Bridge to satisfy Diddy’s craving for cheesecake and respect, getting verbally ribbed by Diddy and his Bad Boy staff for their immature behavior, numerous fist-fights and being starved until they learned how to do things the “Bad Boy” (memorizing Notorious B.I.G.’s “Juicy”) way, Da Band attempts to make hip-hop history with their debut Too Hot For TV.

      Considering we’ve grown so attached to the five member crew, two self-confessed fans (Matty C & Dre Hale) of the series decided to do a little something different with the review.  Considering their debut bowed in at number one on the charts, we felt Diddy’s PR machine deserved even more editorial space and the result are comments that were culled from a listening session that took place on the eve of the Da Band’s release—buckle up your seatbelts.

“We Here” (Intro)
D: Ness wasn’t lying when he stated in one of the many in house arguments that Chopper was picked last for a reason.
M: Why is Bab’s shouting out Mysterious?  She fucks around with Puff’s money, Mysterious maybe shouting out Babs on the next joint.
D: (Laughter)
D: You get the sense this album was ill fated from the jump.
D: Could Chopper be anymore annoying (“C-H-O-P-P-E-R-uh”!!!)?
M: Chopper and Fred took their advance money and went right to Jacob The Jeweler and Chopper got gold fronts too—that’s hip-hop!

“My Life”
D: With all of the in-fighting going on, they should have jumped this LP off with something harder.
M: I think Puff thought this was a Mary J. session (“My Life”)? 
M: Good to hear Sara getting some shine here; they got her looking good right now! 
M: Did Ness just say what I thought he did?  “Hit the bricks/chicks like damn where you been lord/locked up with a bad case of hemorrhoids”? 
D: That’s not a good look?  

“Living Legends”
M: “ni**as can’t see Babs/if you ain’t licking my ass”
M: That’s the realest shit she ever wrote. 
D: Damn, it took three tracks for Dylan to get some shine. 
M: I’m a sucker for steel drums and dig the Caribbean feel, but….?

“Tonight”
D: Bab’s delivers her half-Kim/half-Foxy impression “ride that thing like a motorbike.”
D: Really???
M: Yeah, but Bab’s only does that shit for a pack of Newport’s and Puma sweats, or in this case a Sean John sweat suit.
D: This is a Bad Boy project, where are the beats?  
M: Finally, Diddy is ad-libbing, he should have just went for it on every track—take that, take that.

“How U Like Me Now” f/Mysterious
M: Sara gets “Dirrty” like Aguilera on this. 
M: Ahh, they implement segments of “Grindin” too.
D: Since they asked (“How U Like Me Now”) not much so far.
M: I wonder what crying ass Jamie (“I always gotta deal with this white shit since I picked up a mic”) is doing these days? 
D: He’s working on an LP too.
M: Yeah, I got one of his mixtapes laying around here somewhere, it was aiight.
M: Its gotta hurt him to see them (Da Band) eating in such a major way.  He’s gotta diss these cats!! 
M: He should do a cut with Mysterious.  Oh, Mysterious is on this track, gimme a late pass for that one aiight.
D: (Laughter)

“I Like Your Style”
D: I remember this from the episode where Diddy was barking at Dylan because he couldn’t get
the hook right.
D: All that and its still wack.
M: Chopper kind of flips this though. 
M: This track is too reserved for Bab’s, she needs some gruff shit and the hook is way too repetitive. 

“What We Gonna Do”
D: I could see the ladies shaking there asses to this. 
M: Going into A&R mode, they should have saved this beat for G Dep; he would have been perfect for it.
M: Speaking of which, what the fuck are Black Rob and Craig Mack up too, there getting pushed back for this and Loon?   
M: Where’s Mase when you need him?
D: Off saving the world, gotta respect that.
M: Word, he walked away from a ton of loot too.

“Why”
D: Next!
M: (Laughter)
M: What, you think this is the next shit? 
D: No, next track please I’ve had enough already.
M: Oh, this was on the Bad Boys 2 soundtrack.  Diddy knows how to promote his artists, like the D.O.C. – no one does it better!

“Stick Up”
D: Production is real corny.
D: Diddy must have saved allot on production costs.
M: I think this is there idea of a concept track? 
M: Stick and move, stick and move, best advice I can give you for this.

“Whatcha Be Doing (Interlude)
D: Bab’s is setting up Chopper for the next track. I can feel it.
M: After getting this far thru, I’m starting too think that Diddy is pulling an “Ashton Kutcher” and “Punking” us, as anyone who cops this is getting just that.

“Chopped Up”
D: Of all the emcees that get a solo jawn, of course it’s Chopper.
M: “Get chopped up with Chopper.” That’s quotable shit right there. 
M: Chopper, Lil Wayne called, he wants his flow and fronts back.

“Bad Boy This Bad Boy That”
M: You wanted beats, here you go!
D: This has to be the lead-single.  Can’t help but nod along.
M: Ness comes thru here; this shows the most chemistry, this will bump in clubs.

“Do You Know” f/Wyclef Jean
D: This begs for radio play but sounds so friendly it is more suited for a
Saturday afternoon special. 
M: If Clef produced it, it will get radio play! 
M: Thanks for playing Clef
D: Is it just me or does it seem that Clef is really dumbing down his sound?
M: The Score and The Carnival will live forever though.
D: No doubt 
D: This is a real good look for Dylan, its gotta beat being incarcerated.
M:  Hey Dylan, in the infamous words of Wyclef “you can either make the song, or not make the song.”
D: (Laughter)
M: Is it possible to mention Clef without immediately associating it back to the Fugees? 
M: Yo, let’s take 5 and dust off The Score (“oh la la la, it’s the way that we rock when we doing our thing” heard shortly thereafter)
D: It’s sad for Hiphop fans that they can’t iron out their differences.
M: Everyone else is reuniting, because there’s paper to make, but if you read the new Rolling Stone article on Lauryn Hill, you’ll understand why it has not happened for the Fugee’s.
M: Aren’t we supposed to be talking about Da Band?

“Hold Me Down”
D: I know Ness is the self-appointed “General” of the click, but Frederick stands out the most!
M: I can co-sign that. 
M: Bab’s is on her debut and already laid claim to a nickname (Babs Bunny). How cute! 
D: This is more up-tempo and fits her better.

“Cheers To Me Mr. Bentley”  
M: Someone needs to sign Bentley Fonzsworth too do a spoof EP; his stock is high after that interlude on Andre’s LP. 
D: I’d cop that!
M: (Laughter)
M: I know Bentley exudes this “proper” demeanor, but this is kind of trill, I bet Bentley’s got a mad strong pimp hand. 
D: They outta cast Bentley as the next “Bachelor.”
M: (Laughter)
M: Gotta love Bentley borrowing Jigga’s (“Show you how to do this son”) fucking hilarious!!
M: D-Dot recreates his “Madd Rapper” persona here too; this is the second best track on here. 
D: Sad, but true!!

“They Know”
D: The fact that this LP is so successful, debuting at #1, has to be disheartening to artists out there that actually are putting out quality material and deserve major shine like this. 
D: You can’t buy this kind of exposure.
M: Pump your brakes, obviously Diddy can buy it, were listening aren’t we? 
M: Remember when Suge Knight accepted an award at the “Source Awards” back when Death Row and Bad Boy were in the middle of their beef and he said something like “if you don’t want your producer taking your shine, or dancing all up in your video’s, then come to Death Row.” 
M: Damn, Suge is looking like Nostradamus now. 
M: That said, I still dig Puff’s showmanship, fuck the haters, he’s running the NY Marathon for the kids, raising money for NY’s public school system.  I’m going to donate fa real?
M: Run for the kids Puff, the fucking kids.
D: (Laughter)

“Go Steady”
D: “All the ladies in the house” get your weight up!!
M:  This is as cute as Sara’s kid’s? 
M: Even though Ness drops 8 bars, this is basically a solo-cut for Sara. 
D: So Chopper and Sara are they only members to get solo nods? 
D: Fred should have gotten one too.
M: Word
M: They should have gotten Bentley to drop 16 instead of Ness.
D: (Laughter)
D: That’s a wrap.
M: No bonus cuts? 
M: Even better, that was fucking ponderous!!

Wrap-up
   If Too Hot For TV proves anything, it’s that Bad Boy is still head and shoulders above everyone else when it comes to PR and marketing a group and label.  Though the LP will undoubtedly end up being used to crush herb up on, or as a coaster by most heads, the idea for this show was ingenious and will surely result in a bunch of copy-cat replicas.  But with that said, it’s doing nothing to uphold the art and culture of hip-hop.  I can’t help but think back on some of the episodes where Diddy and his staff labeled the group primadonnas and questioned their attitude, desire and heart (rightfully so). As both seasons unfurled it was evident Bad Boy staffers grew increasingly frustrated with Da Band’s laziness and general indifference at the opportunity that has been gift-wrapped and handed to them.  But their frustration was unjustified.  Why weren’t Da Band members grinding like everyone else has too?  Well, they could have answered their own questions by merely watching a few episodes.  With dollar signs in their eyes, Da Band saw this opportunity as nothing more then a means to an end.  Without questioning Da Band’s members love for the art and no matter how captivating of a show it is, they viewed it as a get rich quick scheme, one where the normal “due paying” and fundamentals could be eschewed for major pay days.  Minus a few exceptions, Hiphop has many of the same problems the NBA has; since High School and College underclassmen have been granted access, the game has become watered down—and Too Hot For TV is a prime example of this.

   Though it did not happen, If Puff would have dropped a real banger on the heels of this show, he’d be looking like a real fucking genius.  However, like Denzel lamented in “Training Day” Diddy is “winning any mafucking way.”