In perhaps the greatest post-violence interview since Rodney King’s “Can’t We All Just Get Along” speech, teary-eyed scumbag de jour, Perez Hilton speaks from bed, with tissues and emotional chocolate box off camera. Perez explains his side of the story in the recent altercation he had with hardcore gangster rap group, Black Eyed Peas, whose hit singles “(Our Guns Go) Boom Boom Pow” and “I Gotta Feeling (Somebody’s Got To Die)” have been heating up the charts recently. If you aren’t up to speed, apparently at the Much Music Awards in Toronto, Fergie approached Perez asking him why they were being dissed on his website (you mean she really doesn’t know?), which allegedly unfolded into an altercation leading to Perez being punched in the face by BEP’s manager.

Will has calmly offered his side of the story as well, via YouTube, however Perez’s rant rivals that of  Chris Croker’s “Leave Britney Alone” speech, easily taking the cake. Complete with an emotional breakdown at the end, Perez spews out inspirational quotes like “Violence is never the answer! That’s why people die!”, and “I am a human being and no one deserves to be treated that way!” and  “God is looking down on you and shaming you!”. Check the video above for a blow-by-blow account of the situation, as every word uttered by Perez is enunciated perfectly, lending to the severity of the situation. This is the stuff of legend, kids.

Whatever the story really is, will.i.am pretty much just PM Dawn’ed his ass. Congratulations, will, The Black Eyed Peas will now be considered hip-hop from here on out. - DJ Pizzo