1 January, 1997@12:00 am
Sherman Oaks, CA – Through long and rigorous tests, scientists have discovered that DJ’s are more inclined to please their partner’s sexual appetite better during sessions of “foreplay”, more so than the average “non-DJ”.
Studies show that through the constant shifting of the DJ’s fingers on both the mixer and records spinning on a turntable, leads to more versatility and flexibility of the index, middle, fore, and “pinky” fingers, and greater stimulation to the female sex organs. Interviews with several women, including groupies and those claiming to be “with the DJ”, show a greater percentage of orgasms than women not involved sexually with a DJ.
Scientists also conclude that because of the increase in sexual pleasure of women involved with DJ’s, the percentages of female sexual partners had by DJ’s are higher than those of NASCAR drivers, spies, and even magicians.
From this, scientists hypothesize that DJ’s are in fact better at scratching their own genitalia, as a result of frequent rash outbreaks and “crabs” that occur, usually contracted from one or more of the many partners they’ve been involved with.
Says all-star DJ Q-Bert in regards to the study, “Um… yeah, I’d say that’s about right. How do you think we came up with the ‘crab scratch’?”
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